not the perfect day

am thoroughly confused. am experiencing this out-of-body sensation watching self repeating stupid mistakes over and over again. its like a pattern, a programming that goes into infinite loop.

really hate it when self got into a freaking familiar situation and still response and react the exact same way, obviously getting the same exact result. and to think that life is a lesson that can be learnt.

am not truly happy with self. am feeling sad. am wanting not to live again. okay, mebbe not that. am wanting to live again but not in this body nor this life. ~haiz. am so exhausted. will just remain in perfect horizontal position and try not to think. am feeling defeated. but still not dead, that should count for something.